Remember when you were a kid and Mom, Dad or someone who tell you a bedtime story?…Here’s a new twist on an old story that you may here again soon..just keep in mind that (wink, wink) this is a fractured fairy tale and any resemblance (wink wink) to any person, situation or sum of money mentioned is all make believe.
Once Upon a time in a world that he really thought he lived in, a big mean political bulldog named Hoyle had set his sights on Ernie the leader of Lowerall who didn’t give Hoyle the respect Hoyle thought he deserved. Hoyle listened to people who also didn’t like Ernie and let them give him things to use to go after Ernie while they hid because they were cowards.
Hoyle was telling people that a long long time ago in the town Notsofaraway where Ernie used to be the Big Guy that Ernie was a bad bad boy and upset his aide who was going to sue the town and Ernie and that Ernie cost the town $200,000 and Lowerall should chase Ernie away on the rails tarred and feathered before he did the same thing to the lovely ladies of Lowerall.
Now the very talented, gifted, creative, well-intentioned and severely modest guy who liked to write (but didn’t get paid a damn dime for it by anyone) heard the story and decided to check it out to see what the real situation was. So he hunted down the number of the wisest old warlock in Notsofaraway Mr. Neverready, who used to be the leader of a board of select-people in Notsofaraway and talked with Neverready to find out what really happened.
Neverready told him:
Ernie was fairly new to being the Big Guy but seemed to be doing well and getting along with everyone. He had Ms. kitty as his aide and they got along great taking care of all the business in Notsofaraway. Until one day she told him she had to take a leave to have a litter, so off she went. Ms. Kitty’s significant other Mr. Wanna Doubledip also worked for Notsofaraway and they were happy.
Until the economy in Notsofaraway was getting tight as it was everywhere in Taxachuettes and it was time for Ms. Kitty to go back to work. Ms. Kitty didn’t want to pay kitty care so she asked Ernie if she could work nights instead of days but Ernie said NO! Then she asked Ernie if she could get released and collect money from Taxachuettes for not working but again Ernie said NO (If Ms. Kitty had been an undocumented worker she would have gotten that money plus free food, healthcare and a place to live but that is a story for another time). Ms. Kitty was both sad and mad.
Now Wanna Doubledip was also having issues, the town was going to cut his full-time job to part-time job (he was a build this Inspector) and he was going to get released. So he asked if he could get a job doing the Dis patching and also be the part-time build this Inspector but again Ernie said no, it wasn’t allowed in Taxachuettes. So both Wanna Doubledip and Ms. Kitty were very upset. They decided to try to get money from the town by saying Ernie was a fresh-boy who needed his mouth washed out with soap and that he was rude,crude and socially unacceptable to Ms. kitty and that the town had to pay them because of this.
As head Warlock Neverready went to Lowerall and found the smartest, brightest, most talented and thorough Ambulance Chaser in all of the Merry Mack Valley. His name was Nye Filman and Neverready hired him to check out the story of Ms. Kitty and Wanna Doubledip.
Nye checked things out and reported back to the Warlock and select-people that the story was a pile of horse droppings and not worth nothing.
However like in all communities there was the real person who ran the place Sity Solictor (if you don’t believe me just ask my friend George he says that almost everyday) and Sity didn’t want to have to waste anymore of Neverready, Ernie’s or the select-peoples time and effort and said instead of fighting it even though it is smellier than Shaw’s cow dung lets just pay $20K and make them go away. Neverready who had already been de-posed by the jackals for Kitty agreed and that’s how it concluded.
Ernie stayed in Notsofaraway for several more years then went to Lowerall to be their Leader and they all lived sort of close to happily ever after.
If you liked my story wait to you hear the more outlandish one that someone else says they are going to tell…