Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Murphy looked up again and said, ‘Never mind, I found one.’
************************************************************************

Dave Nangle was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, ‘Okay, pedestrians.’ Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.

He’d done this several times, and Dave still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, ‘Pedestrians!’ for the tenth time, Nangle went over to him and said, ‘Isn’t about time you let the Catholics cross?’
************************************************************************

The Manager opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Bud.

‘Did you see the paper?’ asked Bernie. ‘They say I died!!’

‘Yes, I saw it!’ replied Bud. ‘Where are ya callin’ from?’
*************************************************************************

Walking into the bar, Jim Leary said to Charlie the bartender, ‘Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.’

‘Oh yeah?’ said Charlie, ‘And how did this one end?’

‘When it was over,’ Jim replied, ‘She came to me on her hands and knees.’

‘Really,’ said Charles, ‘Now that’s a switch! What did she say?’

She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you chicken.’
*******************************************************************

Bill Martin staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Rodney. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife,

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Bill sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and his wife staring at him from across the room.

She said, ‘You were drunk again last night weren’t you?’

Bill said, ‘Why you say such a mean thing?’